After many years of dominating the world of European soccer, Portuguese superstar Cristiano Ronaldo hasn’t taken his foot off of the acceleration for one second. His 2013 has been absolutely spectacular with a total of 69 goals and 17 assists in 60 appearances. The man’s talent is unquestionable. His charm and overall attractiveness is also unquestionable. I mean look at that picture. Holy shit! Let’s face it America. Our athletes will never compare to the Portuguese phenom. Hot damn.
Recently our field reporters Greg Orlin and Bing Jeeves took to the streets of New York City and showed everyday Americans pictures of Ronaldo. The results were ridiculous. People were passing out left and right as soon as their eyes locked on to the tall, dark, and handsome soccer player. “I showed a picture of him shirtless to a business woman in Times Square, and she fell to the floor shaking and screaming.” Orlin said. “I went inside a McDonald’s and showed the picture to a family of five and they all immediately dropped their pants and started crying all over their bic macs.” Jeeves added. Yup, it was chaos. Everyday Americans aren’t used to their athletes being as attractive as Real Madrid forward Cristiano Ronaldo. I’ll demonstrate my point by showing examples of the standard athlete seen in popular American sports.
So yeah, you can see why the pants were dropping when people saw Ronaldo for the first time. Seeing him in person must be like seeing a god. Now it’s completely understandable why this fan ran out on to the field during a game this year just to hug CR7.
Oh the sweet embrace.
By Danny Dagorn