World Cup Update: England to Sport New ‘Game of Thrones’-Themed Jerseys

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England are a loss away from being bounced from the World Cup. If they don’t pull out a positive result from the Uruguay game later today, then the three lions will be sent packing. After so many disappointing World Cups in the past, England have decided to try a new tactic for once.

With the success of the HBO series Game of Thrones, England will be sporting new alternate jerseys that feature pictures of the characters from the hit show.  Now you can see your favorite English players like Frank Lampard wearing the face of Samwell Tarly, or Daniel Sturridge wearing the face of Jon Snow in hopes that Uruguay get so distracted by the kits that they let a few goals slip by them.

Ghana is even considering another alternate jersey that would display the faces of characters from Orange is the New Black, although most of the players have never even heard of the show. It’s a new style of jersey that Adidas, Nike, and Puma are all looking to capitalize on for the future. Nike have even started a new line of face soccer jerseys entitled the “C-List Celebrity,” where each jersey will feature pictures of celebrities like Tara Reid and Andy Dick. Only time will tell if this new line of athletic wear will last. Hopefully it works out for England.

by Danny Dagorn

 

 

 

 

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U.S. Men’s Soccer Team Faces Tough Draw For World Cup. Majority of American Sports Fans Still Deciding If They Give A Shit.

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This past Friday was the official drawing for the 2014 World Cup.  All of the teams that qualified for the big tournament now know exactly who they will be playing in the group stage.  Unfortunately for the United States, the drawing landed them in the dreaded “Group of Death” with Germany, Ghana, and Portugal.  Everyone knows that team U.S.A. has struggled in previous World Cup tournaments, but now more than ever American sports fans are trying to figure out if they will “give a shit” about any of it.  “I know that it’s pretty important, but if the sport doesn’t involve being brutally tackled or taking steroids, then I’m just not interested.” said local football/baseball fan Todd Barringer.

Americans are still finding it hard to believe that soccer can be relevant in our high-paced society.  “Maybe if you could somehow put them in a fast car and have them drive quickly in a circle, then maybe you could get my attention.” said local NASCAR fan Bill Dunham.  “Or maybe put gloves on them and have them beat the shit out of each other.  That would be awesome” Dunham added.

The World Cup is going to be a huge challenge for U.S.A.  The biggest challenge, however, will be finding American fans that give a shit about soccer.  If the United States manage to pull an upset and advance in the tournament this summer, then maybe some people will jump on board with the whole soccer thing.  But then again, probably not.

by Danny Dagorn