Mark Sanchez Posts Craigslist Ad Searching For New Roommate

SanchezCraigslist

It’s been a tough pro career so far for Mark Sanchez. He’s had to endure the New York Jets franchise, months of ridicule, and of course, the famous “butt fumble.” Although it seems like his luck has been changing lately since joining the Philadelphia Eagles, there are still problems with Sanchez, for instance, his roommate Chad.┬áLate Thursday night, following the Eagles win over the Dallas Cowboys, quarterback Mark Sanchez celebrated a huge victory by sitting at his computer, searching for a new roommate on Craigslist.

It has been reported that Sanchez is fed up with Chad’s late-night antics, his poor hygiene, and his missed rent payments. Even after giving his current roommate many chances before, Mark drew the line Thursday after finding out that Chad forgot to DVR the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Before leaving Philly to head to Dallas, Sanchez stated very clearly to Chad that he really loves watching the parade every year, and that “it would be great” if he could record the entire thing so that he could watch it when returning home from his game. Rather than recording the parade, Chad spent Thanksgiving morning trying to talk to girls on Chatroulette, and ordering food from three different Thai restaurants. After discovering that he would never be able to watch the 2014 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Mark made the decision to kick Chad out of his apartment and look for a new friend online.

Mark Sanchez has now been spending his evenings after practice posting Craigslist ads, hoping that someone will respond. His ad reads “Laid Back Football Guy/Parade Fan Searching For New Roommate.” He has also been searching key words on Craigslist like “fun roommate,” “roommate who loves parades,” “roommates that can appreciate back-up quarterbacks,” and “fun roommate who loves parades and can appreciate back-up quarterbacks.” So far Mark has had no hits or replies. Chad is still looking for a place to live.

by Danny Dagorn

 

 

 

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NFL Decides Beating Child With Stick Actually A Bad Thing

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After weeks and weeks of debate amongst the higher-ups, the NFL has decided to suspend Adrian Peterson for the remainder of the 2014-2015 season, concluding once and for all, that hitting your child repeatedly with a stick until they are scarred is, in fact, a pretty bad thing. Roger Goodell addressed the media this morning to confirm the suspension:

“It’s a tough call to make, but after carefully dissecting this tricky predicament for only a few months, we believe that this is bad. A majority of us here at the NFL really believe that hitting your child over and over and over and over and over again with a wooden stick, to the point where the child’s doctor has to speak up about the situation, because the scars on his leg are visible evidence of abuse, is pretty bad. Like not knocking-your-wife-out-in-an-elevator bad, but pretty bad. Not running-a-dog-fighting-ring bad, but pretty bad. Like, not shooting-and-murdering-three-guys bad, but still…pretty bad.”

While some may disagree with the suspension of the Vikings’ running back, and in some cases, actually commend Peterson for disciplining his 4 year-old (the same 4 year-old with scars on his butt, legs, and scrotum) , the NFL has taken it’s firm stance. Goodell ended his press conference with a little relief:

“Hey, at least we’re not talking about concussions or post-career suicides anymore! Am I right?”

by Danny Dagorn