On a warm afternoon this week, Jeremy Lin decided to take a trip to a local Bed, Bath & Beyond in LA to buy a humidifier for his new apartment. Lin, having just moved to Los Angeles after being traded from Houston, felt his new apartment was a bit dry and needed to take care of the situation as soon as possible. Jeremy figured that Bed, Bath & Beyond was a good option to find top of the line apartment needs, but what he didn’t anticipate was the amount of confusion and suffering he would have to go through to find a simple humidifier.
Getting to the store was the easy part for Lin. “I just typed in “Bed Beth and Beyond” into my phone’s GPS and sure enough there was one like right down the street from my apartment.” Getting out of the store was a whole other problem. “Once I was inside the store, I made my way past the ‘As Seen on TV’ section and past the wall full of drapes. Then I looked around and had no idea where I was anymore.” Lin said. The Laker point guard looked around for help but he couldn’t even find his way out of a maze of pillow accessories. “At one point I just screamed for help and still nobody was around. I started to worry.”
After walking around aimlessly for 28 minutes by the ‘Back to College’ aisle, Lin called it quits. “I gave up. The humidifier wasn’t even worth it anymore. I was scared for my life and just wanted to get out.” Lin retraced his steps, found the exit door, and sprinted out of the Bed, Bath and Beyond. He then made his way back to his studio apartment and ordered a deluxe humidifier from Amazon. It looks like Jeremy Lin will have to deal with his dry apartment for another week or so. “Yeah I don’t have Amazon Prime, so the delivery will take a bit longer” Lin stated.
Things keep getting worse and worse for the Cleveland Cavilers. We all know LeBron ditched the Cavs when he made his decision to live a much happier life on the water in Miami a few years ago, and how could you blame him? Prior to this season things started to look on the bright side for the Cavaliers franchise. Kyrie was coming into his own, they signed Jarret Jack, and they got the first pick of the draft when they selected a 30 pound overweight Anthony Bennett who is shooting somewhere around -.500% If that’s a thing. Since the team has gotten off to a 4-11 start, owner Dan Gilbert is looking to make a move, and apparently the person to blame isn’t Mike Brown who abuses Andrew Bynum more than any of Django’s previous owners. The man who is rumored to be on trading block is Dion Waiters, a shooting guard, who hasn’t done much to hurt the team.
Following his 24 point night against LeBron and the Heat at home on Thanksgiving Eve, owner Dan Gilbert grabbed Dion and brought him to skid row in Cleveland. Apparently Mr. Gilbert was upset that Waiters “wasn’t LeBron” so he offered Waiters to anybody who was willing to guess what team LeBron James plays for, but nobody could guess it right, so Gilbert screamed “The Heat, you idiots! Like the stuff you want really really badly, that you can’t afford, and can’t have!”
All of the homeless people were stunned at the demise of Dan Gilbert happening right in front of them, so they decided to make him a cup of soup. As Gilbert began to gather himself on the sidewalk, he took a sip of the warm delicious soup and apologized for his behavior. Gilbert grabbed Waiters and asked his limo driver for a piece of cardboard and a sharpie. The driver had to drive to a convenient store because he didn’t have either thing, so thirty minutes later he came back with the necessary materials for Gilbert to make a sign to put on Waiters. The sign said “Will play basketball 4 money. Contact Gilbert@Cavs.com for trade info. Happy Thanksgiving.”