This past Friday was the official drawing for the 2014 World Cup. All of the teams that qualified for the big tournament now know exactly who they will be playing in the group stage. Unfortunately for the United States, the drawing landed them in the dreaded “Group of Death” with Germany, Ghana, and Portugal. Everyone knows that team U.S.A. has struggled in previous World Cup tournaments, but now more than ever American sports fans are trying to figure out if they will “give a shit” about any of it. “I know that it’s pretty important, but if the sport doesn’t involve being brutally tackled or taking steroids, then I’m just not interested.” said local football/baseball fan Todd Barringer.
Americans are still finding it hard to believe that soccer can be relevant in our high-paced society. “Maybe if you could somehow put them in a fast car and have them drive quickly in a circle, then maybe you could get my attention.” said local NASCAR fan Bill Dunham. “Or maybe put gloves on them and have them beat the shit out of each other. That would be awesome” Dunham added.
The World Cup is going to be a huge challenge for U.S.A. The biggest challenge, however, will be finding American fans that give a shit about soccer. If the United States manage to pull an upset and advance in the tournament this summer, then maybe some people will jump on board with the whole soccer thing. But then again, probably not.
by Danny Dagorn