The New Orleans Pelicans still have some work to do. The franchise that recently changed their name from the Hornets to the Pelicans seem to have a lot of great pieces for a winning team. Unfortunately, there have been a few setbacks. One of the setbacks has been injuries, especially with star forward/center Anthony Davis and guard Tyreke Evans. Another huge setback has been the team’s mascot.
This year the NBA universe was introduced to Pierre the Pelican. Pierre is the new mascot for the New Orleans Pelicans and it is absolutely horrifying. With a demonic red mouth and serial killer clown expression, Pierre has cemented himself as the creepiest mascot in the world. To add to the hysteria, the mascot has had multiple run-ins with the police, including a recent arrest for indecently exposing himself to a group of teenagers at a local Popeyes Chicken.
Our reporter Fish Nelson interviewed Popeyes manager Steve Scott, who witnessed the incident on Saturday night. “The bird was out of control. Our customers paid good money to eat their chicken and biscuit combo platters in peace. Nobody wants to see a grown man in a scary costume pull out his penis. This isn’t KFC! As a Pelicans fan, I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing.” Scott went on to explain that this isn’t the first time the freakish mascot interrupted his peaceful New Orleans restaurant chain. “He comes in here drunk after every home game and orders twelve apple pies. Then he passes out in the corner for three hours until someone hauls his ass away.”
Clearly something must be done about Pierre. This is already the seventh person that the Pelicans organization has hired to wear the creepy costume. The first four mascots have all died of speed overdoses, and the last two have been fired due to heavy drinking on the job. Pelicans guard Eric Gordon seemed frustrated when we asked him about the cursed mascot epidemic. “The last dude kept trying to get me to go to a strip club with him after practice. The dude before that asked if he could sleep with my mom. Now this guy is hired and he takes his flask out every ten minutes and asks if I want a shot. I’m trying to focus on winning games. Ridiculous.” The New Orleans Pelicans need to make a decision and quickly before the alcoholism of Pierre starts to affect the players. They also need to change that horrific costume.
by Danny Dagorn
Turnover Sports 